They were everywhere. The little black specks, or were they spiders? Who knew. I believed Jake was sitting next to me, but of course I could never have been too sure. I can’t even remember how all of this started honestly. The depression, the anxiety. The feeling of being… unloved. Fuck her, that’s all Jake would ever say. Him and Alex always told me it’s M.O.B whatever the hell that means. That she was a bitch and would never love me the same way I loved her. Not ever have the same feelings. Back to the spiders. I mean, specks. They started as individuals but now they were in clusters moving around the ceiling. I couldn’t bare to look anywhere else in this room. What was once my sanctum, my place of inner heaven. Had soon evolved into something evil. Somewhere I so desperately wanted to escape. What laid beyond my bedroom door could be even worse though. Not to mention mom and dad were asleep just down the hallway. Waking them up even at the beginning of this trip would be the worst thing I could do at this point. I’d end up in a psych ward. No doubt about that. “Dude, take a hit of this shit, it’s fucking dank.”
I sprang alert in an instant. Then looked all over my room. Jake wasn’t here. He never was. Tonight was my solo night. Fuck. I started to sink into that impending doom state. The tachycardia was just now beginning. There was no way out after that, unless. Never mind. I’m too fucking scatter-brained right now. Finding my stash of Xanax bars would be impossible. Most likely it would only make me pass out. How much did I even do? I started looking into the corners of the ceiling. The room was dimly lit, just my tall overhead lamp in the right corner of the room. Looking at the left top corner I could see the flashes. The dark lightning like flashes. Things were beginning to happen all too soon. I should have eaten something so it wouldn’t come on so fucking quick. Of course!
I looked at the palm of my left hand. Good thing I could still comprehend enough to read numbers. In black ink I could make out 525@8:57. Jesus, I’m such a puss. It took at least a minute to get my phone out of my pocket to see that it was only twenty minutes past ten. Hardly over an hour. I could try to puke the pills out of me. I already knew it would do absolutely no good though. TAP TAP TAP. The window. I slowly scooted over to the far right side of my bed. Got closer to the window. Pushed the pitch black curtain back. There were the blinds, but to peek through. That was the question. I was quickly reassured by Jake who was sitting across the room at my computer desk. “Nathan man, it’s just Alex. He wants inside.” “Why the fuck are you whispering?” I asked him. He then replied to me asking why I WAS whispering and how come I sounded like I was half retarded.
I started to lift a single blind when all of the sudden I heard two knocks at my door. I almost pissed myself, but said nothing. Only whimpered. It was my mothers voice. “NATEEEE!” I looked back at Jake, scared shit-less but only seeing him for a split second with a horrific grin on his face. Then he was gone. Was he even there to begin with? Letting the curtain drop back down, I laid flat on my bed and threw the covers over my entire body. Everyone’s asleep, nobody's in here or outside my window. Time to shut my eyes and drown out the sounds with my own fucked up thoughts in my head.
TAP TAP TAP.
No comments:
Post a Comment